“THE CATCH UP”

In the last twelve years I have been what most would call “LUCKY,” but I would disagree with that assessment, for I truly believe that the Lord has been my protector. He has been with me through it all, for I stand tall now because of his grace and mercy. I have my reasons for my belief in the Lord, for the Lord has given me a true testimony to share, so “MY THOUGHTS I SHARE WITH YOU!”

October 12, 2007

I had a previous encounter with death prior to the car accident and the cancer diagnosis. In 2007 I had a major heart attack which they call the “WIDOW MAKER.” I experienced something that I could not explain at the time, but it has been revealed since. I’ll explain. I was a thirty-eight year old Black man that was mentally and physically unfit, I had been feeling some discomfort in my chest for a few weeks prior to my heart attack, but I just wrote it off as heartburn. Then one day I noticed that my heartburn was becoming more intense, something kept telling me to go to the hospital, but I decided to go to the movies with my wife instead. While eating quadruple butter popcorn, about half way through the movie I felt a dull pain in my chest and I began to sweat profusely, my mouth became desert dry, and the fluid in my eyes dried out. I will try to explain what happened next, but one may not understand if one is a non believer, for what the Lord gave me was not of this world. As I began to pray a feeling of calmness flushed my being, there was no pain, and no worries, but most of all no doubts or fears. I felt as if the chains were no longer holding me back, I was being set free!

March 22, 2017

At approximately 4:15 am I was driving on the freeway on my way to work, the roads were wet, for the rain had previously left its mark earlier that morning. There were hardly any vehicles on the freeway, but out of nowhere a car cut me off, I started spinning out of control and I crashed into the middle divider coming to a complete stop. With the airbag being deployed from the impact, damaging my eye in the process, I became disoriented. Thinking my car was on fire from the smoke that the airbag generated I exited my car looking for safety, and while doing so, at that very moment my car was hit in the rear causing it to hit me in the face as I stood in front of it. Somehow I was sucked and pinned beneath my car face up for an hour and fifteen intense, thought provoking, unknowing, loving, maturing, growing, and spiritual minutes that I have ever experienced under any condition. While I was pinned underneath my car I was struck by two other vehicles that hit their target about five minutes apart. The wait in between those collisions, in a strange way, it was the most alive that I have ever been in my life. “HE IS UNDER THE CAR,” he screamed. Shortly after a tow truck pulled up. “Will I bleed out? Was my first concern as the tow truck started to lift my car slowly off me, so I started praying. I woke up two weeks later in critical condition, I had an over abundance of injuries, I was not quite out of the woods. My injuries were quite extensive. I suffered a broken right shoulder, a dislocated left shoulder, broken jaw in three places, damaged left eye, lost many teeth, lacerated liver, broke right femur bone, dislocated right knee, compound fracture of right shin, broke right ankle, have metal in 90% of right leg, road rash down to muscle in left leg, burns on face from hot underbelly of car, broke all ribs on right side, broke three ribs on left, punctured both lungs, and I fractured my skull which has left me with brain shattering headaches, and seizures that will accompany me for the rest of my visit here on earth. I now know with the Lords help, support and prayers from family and friends, is how I survived. During my life span searching seemed to be a constant, whether it was love, shelter, work, money, fairness, peace of mind, honesty, drive, or simply an identity. But there are times when you come across something more than what you were looking for, or should I say something “GREATER” than what you were looking for. On the fateful morning of March 22, 2017 I found something “GREATER” than what I was searching for, “I FOUND THE LORD!”

June 17, 2017

During my rehabilitation I asked my primary doctor about a lump on the side of my neck that had me concerned, but she insisted that it was a swollen lymph node brought on by the stress of my car accident. My wife and I decided to go to a throat specialist, and to our surprise, it was throat cancer stage four. It took a few minutes to digest the prognosis, but we kept our composure and put our trust in the Lord. With the cancer taking the higher priority, “WE” had to stop my rehabilitation and concentrate on “OUR” cancer concerns. “WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF CANCER” were my first words spoken as I finally had time to converse with my own thoughts. I was part of a new club, separate from the rest of the world. I had a feeling of isolation, and somewhat desperation, emotions that were to heavy for me to carry on my own, so I prayed and gave all the weight to the Lord. I thought I could not carry anymore weight, but my beautiful mother passed away from cancer. This is what brings us to this juncture at this time, for it is not mere coincidence that we are sharing this moment together, for it was already written.

I have my reasons to believe!

DAME

Mythoughtsishare.com
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“MY ANGER”

Part 1.

Over the past two months that I have been sharing my thoughts with you, I let something happen that I said I would not let take place. I let my writings absorb me, the more that I wrote, the more angrier I became. My wife informed me that I needed to fix it, or stop writing, for if I didn’t, my anger and I will be the only ones left occupying space in our home. During this two month battle of wills, I have learned that you cannot keep something out that is already inside. I have learned that anger is a part of me, and his roots are buried deep. My anger predates my natural birth, it is an inherited anger, it is a selfish anger, it is a hungry anger, it is a vengeful anger, it is a unforgiving anger, and at times, a Godless anger. For I am “THE ANGRY BLACK MAN!” The Angry Black Man has been intentionally denied of the social and emotional process through which children and adults acquire and effectively apply the knowledge necessary to understand and manage emotions, set and achieve positive goals, feel and show empathy for others, establish and maintain positive relationships, and exercise responsibility. The Angry Black Man needs to be loved, nurtured, supported, seen, shown consideration, and acknowledged as human beings. The white man not only changed the Angry Black Mans natural evolution by keeping him oppressed, but they also raped him of certain personality traits such as emotional stability, independence, sociability, positivity, self control, and tolerance. This is not an assassination of the Angry Black Mans character, but I do feel that this injustice needs to be addressed, so the process of healing can begin, and progress can then be achieved. Identity crisis, a period of psychological distress, often occurring in adulthood, when a person seeks a clearer sense of self and an acceptable role in society; confusion as to goals and priorities, a feeling of unhappiness and confusion caused by not being sure about what kind of person you really are, or what the true purpose of your life is. The Angry Black Man cannot survive outwardly in this society, and the Angry Black Man cannot survive within me, for I am getting tired, there is not a lot of fight left in me. The Angry Black Man cannot survive without society and its indifferences, for it is his fuel, and it is his drive. For hundreds of years the American Black Male has been having a passionate, yet tumultuous affair with The Angry Black Man, they have been on a perilous journey together, the kind of journey from which nightmares are born. As I sit here deep in thought, I realize that I have never been formally introduced to to The Angry Black Man, although we have crossed paths in the past, we were never more than casual acquaintances, but as of late, he seems to be everywhere! It is as if he is mimicking my every move, although he stays one step behind, I can still feel his fiery eyes, he doesn’t say much, but his growl speaks a thousand words all at once. I try to avoid turning around and making eye contact, for fear of being seduced and engulfed by the flames of his fiery eyes, but in a strange way, he makes me feel wanted, he makes me feel needed. Confrontation is inevitable when one is forced to recognize his or her inner self, there is no way around it, you cannot run or hide, it is the defining moment of truth that defines who we are as individuals. The truth in this society may not set you free, but being true to yourself, is a freedom that has no conflicts or boundaries.

DAME

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“MY ANGER, MY FRIEND”

Part 2.

So I set up an encounter with the Angry Black Man, but I thought it would be best if we met in a public place, for you cannot trust anyone these days, not even yourself. The meeting took place at our local shopping mall near the food court. We both arrived around the same time. The encounter was not as I expected, I envisioned a monster, an uncontrollable force of rage, the beast that was never associated with beauty, but I was wrong. As he walked towards the table I could see a faint resemblance, but he was a shell of a man, he had the look of a man who once was. He looked tired and beaten as he approached, it was if I could hear the sounds of a thousand dragging chains as he reached the table. I helped him with his chair, and to my surprise he spoke. In a low and defeated voice he said, “Do not talk, just listen!” I have seen and I have been, I have been lynched, castrated, beheaded, whipped, shot, mutilated, branded, imprisoned, stoned, drowned, and sodomized. I have worked sunup to sundown, six and sometimes seven days a week until my death. My wife and daughter were raped in front of me, and I have witnessed thousands since. I have worn shackles that have penetrated the bone. I have worn neck collars with spikes that protrude outwardly that prevented me from getting any rest after a long days work. There was a pause, and he inhaled deeply as if it was his last breath, and he continued. I have drowned deep in the bowels of slave ships. I have had my legs broken, so I could not run away. I have been nutrition for swine. I have been forced to engage in homosexual activities with other slaves. I have been hunted for sport. I have been hung on trees for decoration. I have been, and I have seen. I have been with you since the beginning, when you cried as a baby it was I that got you fed. When they said that you couldn’t, it was I that screamed you could. When that monkey was on your back, it was I that got him off. “Can I speak now?” He looked at me as if he was having a flashback of some kind, but he just didn’t have the strength, so he grumbled in a low, deep, and penetrating voice, “GO ON!” So you are telling me that all those bad situations I was in during my life span, it was you? I have seen, and I have been. I have watched you grow and evolve, I have seen you fall, but I have also seen you rise. I have been with you since the beginning, I know your heart, I know your intentions, I know you. We can live together without conflict, “BUT I AM ANGER!” You must lead, and I must follow. As he rose from the table I could see a change in him, there was a small spark in his eyes, the paleness in his skin was now flushed with color. As he stood tall and proud he began to speak, “I have seen, and I have been, but together we shall become!”

DAME

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“EMPATHY”

A close friend of mine came to visit me today that I haven’t seen in a while, but time and distance is just a formality, for we are self- proclaimed brothers in this life.

Me: You finally made it, how have you been?

Friend: I have been well, but we need to go to the liquor store, I spent all my money driving down here!

Me: OK, but you will have to stay in a hotel, I do not want your blood on my hands!

Friend: I understand.

As I pulled into the the parking lot of the liquor store I noticed this homeless looking woman digging in a garbage can.

Me: How much do you need?

Friend: Twenty dollars.

Me: Here is forty, give twenty to that woman digging in that trash can.

Friend:You mean that white woman?

Me: Yes!

Friend: Why?

Me: Because hunger has no color!

DAME

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“MY CRIME OF PASSION”

My motives are clear and premeditated. I want to love you as a woman such as yourself deserves to be loved, for you are deserving of that love and all that I have to offer spiritually, physically, financially, and emotionally. My love for you was born from the unseen acts that we perform for each other, for our passion gives us the strength to love each other through all of life’s troubling times. You have been with me in the trenches of life’s many battles, and we have stood strong on the front lines, even when invading forces tried to overthrow our love, we still remain. The passion that I have for you is like no other, and I am confident while expressing these feelings for reasons beyond this worlds comprehension, for my passion for you will remain long after I depart this plain of existence.

Judge: How do you wish to plead today to the crime of passion Mr. OBannon?

Me: “GUILTY”

DAME

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“THERE IS NO GOING BACK NOW”

There comes a time in ones life when one must reinvent him or herself, for life is full of constant change. When society begins to reinvent itself for the continuance of their control, one must learn to adapt to the different conditions that one may come in contact with during this process. This plague was not by mistake, it was planned, there were many signs leading up to this day and age, we were just left in the dark, for when the light came, it was too late. We are test subjects for those in control, which is nothing new, remember the Tuskegee experiment? The Tuskegee experiment began in 1932, at a time when there was no known treatment for syphilis. After being recruited by the promise of free medical care, 600 men originally were enrolled in the study. In order to track the disease’s full progression, researchers provided non effective care as the men died, went blind or insane. Many experienced other severe health problems due to their untreated syphilis.

HEADLINE: “TO END THIS PANDEMIC WE WILL NEED A FREE VACCINE WORLDWIDE!” I think I’ll pass this go round, they are already testing to see how many of us will be able to work from home, for they will be shutting jobs down. They are testing how kids will adapt to home schooling, for they will be shutting schools down. They are testing how traffic will flow, for there will be less cars on the road. They are testing new forms of communication with apps such as Zoom, for we will no longer share each other’s company in the physical form as we once did. We will not be going back to how it used to be, it is a new age! We all need to be aware of our new surroundings, for when life’s environment changes, one can feel threatened, or become extinct, for our lives as we once knew it to be, will be no more. They are in the process of moving us all into the next phase of their evolution, which is more control mentally, physically, financially, and now socially! I know that we all have our own thoughts concerning this issue, and I respect them all, for we are all on the same ship, we just have different views from which we sit.

DAME

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“I AM ON MY WAY”

With all the difficulties that my wife and I have endured over the last three years, I would not change a thing. I have come to learn that without those things I would have never become associated with the Lord on such a deep, and personal level. I cannot explain the feelings that are exploring my body with such purpose, but I have learned to be patient, for in the Lords time all will be revealed. I have read many publications, publications of different genres, but none has given me the comfort, security, vision, trust, and the hope that the Lord and his scriptures provide. As I obtain knowledge from these scriptures I am beginning to take a deep look within myself, and I am beginning to admire what I see, for I see a man that is growing spiritually within himself. There is so much more to this life than the detrimental stimuli that the wicked of the world circulate on a daily and continuous basis. I have now come to believe that I have a purpose, and that purpose is to live life eternal, and share my testimony with others. Through the Lord and his scriptures I am in the process of having a form of love for all, for there are many that know not of what they say, see, or what they do, for the world keeps them mute, blind, and without direction. I can truly say that at fifty-one years of age I have been blessed with direction, for I am now on my way to becoming a man of God.

I have chosen the way of faithfulness; I have set my heart on your laws.

Psalm 119:30

DAME

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“IT WAS A PLEASURE MEETING YOU”

There are many who did not wake up to greet this day, for they will never become acquainted. I was blessed to wake up this morning, so I greet this day with a big hug and a smile. As this day grows old we hold each other tight, for we know that we will never see each other again.

DAME

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“ARE YOUR BAGS PACKED?”

Wife: “Lets go on vacation.”

Husband: “Where would you like to go?”

Wife: “Africa!”

Husband: “Why Africa?”

Wife: “It looks like paradise, do you think it will be safe over there?

Husband: What does the brochure say?”

Wife: “BEWARE OF ANIMALS OUTSIDE OF PERIMETER.”

Husband: “We will be safe as long as we follow their instructions.”

Wife: “I an sooo excited, we better start getting ready.”

Webster’s dictionary…

Resort- a place that is a popular destination for “VACATIONS,” where one can “RELAX,” and “ENJOY.”

My definition….

Resort- a parcel of land that is cut off from the surrounding inhabited areas that are only suitable for animals, and the indigenous people of that particular geographical region. Then man, with his superior man made complex gentrifies that parcel of land. He turns it into a healthy environment with running water, and toilets that go flush in the night, so he can excrete the waste from his healthy appetite. While knowing all along that the unhealthy inhabitants of that particular geographical region have no access to filtered water, or toilets that go flush in the night.

Channel 4 News…

Newscaster #1

There have been unconfirmed reports that the food at many resorts have been serving tainted meat. The president ensures everyone that this issue will be resolved shortly, as they are preparing a cargo of fresh meat to disperse to those resorts that have been effected by this.

Newscaster #2

Those poor people, “IT IS A SHAME” that they must suffer like that.

In other news….

An epidemic of murders in Oakland, California, has claimed “HUNDREDS” of lives in the past decade, and the victims families often face discriminatory treatment by the police.

Black children are being killed in St. Louis. Their deaths are going unsolved. Since April, at least 12 children, ranging from 2-16 have been killed in fatal gun fire incidents. “NO” suspects have been found.

In Chicago, 146 people have been killed this year. That is 3 more than 2019.

If murders continue at the rate they were reported in January, New Orleans would see as many as 192 homicides over the course of 2020.

As of Thursday, there have been 31 reported homicides in unincorporated Miami Dade, compared to 26 over the same time period a year ago.

As of last week, New York City, reported 42 murders in 2020.

“NOW THAT IS A DAMN SHAME!”

DAME

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