Lord I need you! I am experiencing marital discord at this time in my life, my concerns have nothing to do with desires of the flesh, but I need your help. Lord I did not give myself enough time to heal mentally after drinking for such a long period of time. I went from drinking for twenty-three straight years, to a pre-made family without learning who I was, or who I wanted to become. My wife married another person ten years ago, for I am not the same man that she fell in love with, and I have come to accept this as a fact. As the fog that hovered over my thoughts began to slowly rise and clear over time, my eyes began to view the world from a different perspective. I make no excuse for my insufficiencies as a husband, but I am trying to be the best husband that I can possibly become despite my personal struggles, and the Lord knows this to be true, for he knows my heart. Over the last ten years I have been trying to learn who I truly am, I have been trying to learn how to be a husband. I have been trying learning how to be a step-father. I have been trying to learn how to be a Poppa. I have been trying to learn how I should talk, discipline, console, support, and raise kids that are not biologically mine, for it is a thin line when dealing with those that belong to others. I have been trying to learn how to deal with my physical disabilities after the car accident. I have been learning how to deal with my mental issues after my stage 4 throat cancer battle, “Is it gone for good?” “Is that a lump that I feel?” “Did the cancer spread?” I have been learning how to manage my stress and anxiety, for it can become overwhelming at times, especially when one wakes up to a new reality after being sleep for twenty-three years. Sympathy is not my objective as I expose my inner feelings to you, for we all have our own issues in life, but there may be someone out there going through struggles such as mine, and I want that someone to know, do not be afraid, for you are not alone, unless you choose to be.
“The Lord is the one who is going ahead of you. He won’t abandon you or leave you, so don’t be afraid or terrified.”