My eyes water while watching the news, for another black on black murder has been committed. My tears fall freely for good reason, the pain from my past has risen and I hurt deep within. I am going to share something with you that many know not of, but you have earned my trust, so my pain I give life.
April 1, 2012, San Francisco, Ca
To Jamahd Karriem, the son I never had…..
Medical authorities have identified the man who was shot and killed late Sunday night. Police were called to the 300 block of Louisburgh Street at 11:33pm where they found 20 year old Jamahd Karriem laying on the floor with gunshot wounds to his chest. He was taken to San Francisco General Hospital were he later died. A black man killed my godson/cousin, the son I never had. The pain is unbearable at times, if I was not under the influence of the Lord and his scriptures I would grab my 357 Magnum Blackhawk revolver and kill every black man that accompanies this never ending cycle of self-destruction, but that would be repeating the cycle. As I write these painful words my gun whispers in my ear and his choice of words are ungodly, but I know that the Lord has the last say. I wrote these words after Jamahds passing to comfort me in times of need, when ungodly thoughts try to disrupt my peace that the Lord has blessed me with.
I miss you Jamahd, my world is not the same without you here with me amongst the living. I remember when you were a little thing, you grabbed my heart and never let go, but little did you know I had a tight grip on your heart as well, you couldn’t get away from me if you tried. Jamahd I would like to thank you for looking after me during my times of uncertainty, for you were there for me unknowingly in my many times of need. There is this show that comes on called shameless, it is about this father who is a drunk and his family looks after him the best that they can, it reminds me of our time together here on earth. Before today’s visit I didn’t know if we were blessed to share those times together, or if we should have ever had those times at all. With the Lord now in my life I know that those times were needed, for they were blessings, not only for that moment in time, but also for the time that I have left. I now embrace the memories that keep you here with me Jamahd, and I would like to apologize to you for falling into the traps that the white man set in place for me, for I was not there for you when you truly needed me, I was there with you, but I was not there for you, I failed you son. I wasn’t that aware, fearless, strong, God fearing Black man that you needed me to be, and I apologize for my inconsistencies as it pertains to leading by example. I know your heart Jamahd, it is of a golden color, so I know that you have already forgiven me, for you tell me every time I look at your picture and I see that beautiful smile. I have to go now, the world is calling and I must be there to answer, for the Lord knows that I have a lot to write about, I love you……
“The LORD is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
Lord give me strength……