I went from drinking alcohol for twenty-three straight years to a pre-made family without learning who I was, or who I wanted to become. Ten years ago I woke up as an adult, a husband, a step-father, a poppa, and a provider. After twenty-three long years in a state of drunkenness the fog that hovered over my thoughts began to slowly rise and clear over a period of time, and I came to the realization that the landscape that was once beneath my feet had changed. I woke up in a world not known to me, a responsible sober adult world. Although ten years has passed I am still learning how to discipline, how to console, how to support, how to protect, how to teach, and how to raise kids that are not biologically mine, for there is a very thin line when it comes to raising children that belong to others. It truly feels as if I am in the beginning of what seems to be a life long process of learning how to manage, maintain, and protect my sanity, for my throat cancer battle has been having its way with me mentally for some time now. “Is it gone for good?” “Is that a lump that I feel?” “Did the cancer spread?” As my life moves forward my sanity is what I feel matters most, for I cannot take care of others if I cannot take care of myself, so I pray diligently for mental healing. Sympathy is not my objective as I expose my true inner thoughts to you in black and white, for I know that we all have our own issues in this life, but there may be someone out there facing the same physical and mental challenges that confront me daily, and I sincerely want that someone to know…..
“And the Lord, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave or forsake you; do not fear, nor be dismayed.”