Lord I thank you for watching over me during my early years of uncertainty, for I was lost with only a map of random footprints to follow when the world was my guide. Lord as I now follow your scriptures I am no longer lost, for your words of truth has shown me the way, and although the road may be long, tedious, and full of temptations, it must be traveled.
“Cursed is anyone who leads the blind astray on the road. Then all the people say Amen!”
Mom your presence is truly missed, I wish I could say that your absence gets easier as the painful years continue, but they do not.Mom I smile as I think of you, and I want you to know that I smile often, for my thoughts of you bring me joy. As I lay under the covers in this empty house at noon I take stroll down memory lane, but I am not alone, for you are with me at all times. Mom I did not know how much I needed you until you left me behind. Mom I love you, I miss you, and my heart aches daily for you.
I call on Him during this storm, for storms of this magnitude will test your faith as the water rises. When one is dealing with a storm of this magnitude one must prepare him or herself for the strong winds and the heavy rains that give this storm life. As this storm continues and the water steadily rises I shall not take this storm lightly, so I cry to my Lord and Saviorfor help, for He is the only one who can deliver me out of all my troubles….
And to those who choose not to cry for help,their troubled waters will continue to rise…..
“When the righteous cry for help, the Lord delivers them out of all their troubles.”
Three years ago I had a life altering car accident, I was also diagnosed with stage four throat cancer that same year. One of the many injuries that I sustained in my car accident was a broken jaw. I broke my jaw in three places and I lost most of my teeth, I also received three metal plateswhich required fifteen screws to hold my jaw together. I know that I am blessed to be alive, but during these past three years I have been having issues with my gums, for the radiation from my throat cancer has weakened themto the point of me needing my remaining teeth extracted. The teeth that my car accident did not take away from me, the radiation wants the leftovers. There were times when I would look in the mirror and a tear or two would fall, for me standing alone staring at my truth was a painful sight to behold. This past month I had what was left of my upper teeth extracted, the plan is to get dentures to replace them, upper and lower. I have been trying hard to maintain my weight which is not much, for I weigh a hundred and thirty-two pounds on a good day. The mask that we must wear I once thought was a blessing, for the need to hide the emptiness within my mouth was what mattered most to me. My thoughts were selfish in a way they have never been before, and I truly apologize for my unholy selfishness. At this present time I am not in that selfish state of mind, for the Lord has given me what matters most, for He has given Himself. The Lord has blessed me with vision, as I now see things as they should be seen, which is through His eyes and not my own. As I now look in the mirror a smile comes upon my face, and my tears that once fell, they no longer fall.
As I drift in darkness with destination unknown my mind is full of wonder, for the beauty that was of this day will soon fall victim to the darkness that is of this night. As the sunset draws closer to its final resting place I become engulfed within its darkness, for its repetitive death is a daily reminder of what is to come. As the shadows of the night spread across the land for all not to see I will show no fear, for His guiding light will see me through the darkness that awaits……
The Lord is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid?
This is Just a short reminder of how I truly feel about you, and although I express the love that I have for you daily it could never be enough, for the love that I have for you has no end in sight. My love for you is more than an intense feeling of deep affection, it is my place of dwelling, it is my comfort zone, it is my truth within a world full of lies. They say that one can go fast but two can go far, and to this I agree, for we have many miles behind us. As I sit here thinking of us a bright smile comes upon my face accompanied by joy, for I truly appreciate you and the love that we share. I sit alone this night and my thoughts are only of you, so I shall not fall to sleep as others do. This is Just a short reminder of how I truly feel about you, and although I express the love that I have for you daily it could never be enough, for the love that I have for you has no end in sight.
Out of fifty-one years on this earth I was under the influence for twenty-three of those years, I will not lie to you, I am here to testify, I was in love with intoxication! In the beginning we went out a few times, you know, a period of feeling each other out so to speak. I was fourteen at the time, a bit young for a relationship, so we kept our liaisons a secret. Intoxication was my first and I shall never forget her, our intimacy was so intoxicating that I wanted nothing more than to be with her, nothing! For the first couple of years our relationship was great, to be honest with you, it was awesome. We began to see each other daily, and it wasn’t long before we moved in together. Living with intoxication can be overwhelming at times, it can become physically, mentally, and spiritually damaging, it not only can, but it will. As the years progressed we were on and off, she would move out, or should I say, I threw her out. I through her out many times, but I always begged for her to come back home, and her reply was always the same, “IF YOU WANT ME BACK, THEN COME AND GET ME!” And I always did. The world can be intoxicating, fun, exciting, stimulating, provocative, and alluring, but buyer beware. Although the intoxicating effects that are of the world might seem enticing, do not be tempted by the short-lived state of euphoria, for the crash is not worth an eternity of? As I write you slowly absorb, so I write with the Lord in me, so he can be in you. The spiritual intoxicating effects that the Lord and his scriptures give you will be like no other, there will be no need to reach for higher heights, for your climb will be over.